the honey nut cheerio thinks for half a second, and just like that agrees. if you fail it, you will not only be killed, but your friends and family will as well? are you willing to take that risk?’. but this one is higher-stakes than before. if you pass, you can become a cinnamon cheerio. and says, ‘i’m really not supposed to do this, but there is another test you can take. he is saved from the death of a plain cheerio, but what kind of life is mediocrity? he goes to the cheerio bureau again and asks if anything can be done. it’s incredible.Īnd eventually, a nice, pleasant, average lifestyle pales in comparison. the most expensive nights out, the most beautiful women, the biggest houses. and it doesn’t even compare: cheerio yachts, constant parties, no need to work they just live it up. they can afford amenities he never could before they get an okay house, and he is happy.īut proximity to power means proximity to a greener grass, and the more time he spends away from the plain cheerios, the closer he can see the lifestyles of the cinnamon cheerios. she’s pretty and active and kind to him, and soon, they fall in love. he meets another woman a honey nut cheerio with a comfortable 9-to-5 middle class lifestyle.
and with the new wealth of honey nut women who he can meet, eventually, he starts to… forget. but suddenly, her cheerio face is not as beautiful to him as it once was. He thinks of his wife at times, of course his children, too.
he never does learn what poor plain cheerio was chosen for the feasting in his place. he’s invited to parties- real parties with punch and wine and snacks abound! it’s comfortable, and he settles into a routine fairly quickly. he can quit his shitty job and suddenly access dozens of better ones, with superior opportunities and pay. beautiful cheerio girls who never would have given him the time of day look at him. The dousing is easy painless and almost comfortable, and suddenly, he has access to a whole world he’s never seen before. he now qualifies to become a honey nut cheerio. and the results come back: a perfect score. The blue paper is being put through the scantron now. but he looks down at his green pencil and he thinks of his wife. he’s asked to remember obscure cheerio laws, nutritional calculations, seminal essays about cheeriodom. they’ve never tested him this hard in his life. (now, this part is very important, so pay attention) when he takes the test, he uses a green pencil, and he’s writing it on blue paper. she tells him she loves him and escorts him to the test center. he kisses his wife and promises her that if he passes this test, he’ll find a way to find her again. the first part doesn’t bother him he would die anyway if he fails the test. he will have to leave his wife and children behind. the second is that plain cheerios are forbidden to fraternize with the upperclasses. however, there are two caveats: the exam is ridiculously difficult, and to prevent just anyone from taking it, anyone who fails the exam will immediately be subject to death. they explain to him that there is a notoriously difficult entrance exam, and any plain cheerio that makes it can be doused in honey nuts and become a honey nut cheerio and therefore be saved from the ritualistic eating. and they say, ‘well, there is one thing, but you might not like it…’. so he goes to the cheerio bureau and asks what can be done about it. he has an okay job, and most importantly, he wants to live. he doesn’t want this to happen! he has a beautiful wife, and several kids. Unfortunately, this year, it so happens that our cheerio’s number came up. and most importantly, once a year, they vote on a plain cheerio to ritualistically feast on. they live a good life they are powerful and rich and happy. they live in a world where there are three kinds of cheerios there are plain cheerios, the underclass. So there’s this guy, right? and he’s a plain cheerio.
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